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WHAT IS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

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Domestic violence (DV) and family violence is when there is violent or abusive behavior towards a spouse, partner, or former partner to have complete control and fear over them. 

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This life-threatening pandemic is a crime, that affects millions of individuals all over the United States, targeting everyone regardless of age, economic status, race, sexual orientation, gender identity, or religion.

It is important to remember that violence is 'never the answer' and 'never your fault', and you are not alone! Help is available to those who are experiencing domestic violence, MAD21 is here to help.

If you are out of state, please check your state for the nearest domestic violence, shelter, crisis center. police station or any other state resources.

STOP staying silent, tell someone you can trust, or if you know someone who is in an abusive relationship be that friend that provides unconditional friendship without judging or turning an eye.

Red Flags

  • Someone physically hurts you, tries to physically hurt you, or puts you in fear of physical harm;

 

  • Someone threatens you with serious physical harm;

 

  • Someone physical restraint (i.e., confines your movements or imprisons you in any way, such as locking you in a room);

 

  • Someone destroys or damages your property on purpose (maliciously);

 

  • Someone injures, attempts to injure, or puts you or your minor child in fear that s/he will injure any animal owned, possessed, leased, kept, or held by you or your minor child;

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  • Someone injures, attempts to injure, or puts you or your minor child in fear that s/he will injure any animal owned, possessed, leased, kept, or held by you or your minor child;

 

  • Someone physically hurts you, tries to physically hurt you, or puts you in fear of physical harm;

 

  • Someone threatens you with serious physical harm;

 

  • Someone physical restraint (i.e., confines your movements or imprisons you in any way, such as locking you in a room);

 

  • Some destroys or damages your property or purpose (maliciously);

 

  • Someone injures, attempts to injure, or puts you or your minor child in fear that s/he will injure any animal owned, possessed, leased, kept, or held by you or your minor child;

 

  • Rushing or moves quickly into "you" being in an exclusive relationship;

 

  • Isolation Stage-Wants you all to him- or herself; betraying obsessive behavior; jealousy that if you visit family you are cheating. Insists that you stop spending time with your friends or family.

 

  • Insists that you stop participating in hobbies or activities that you enjoy, quit school, or quit your job.

 

  • Disrespects you and does not honor your boundaries.

 

  • Is excessively jealous and accuses you of being unfaithful.

 

  • Wants to know where you are all the time and frequently calls, emails, and texts you throughout the day.

 

  • Criticizes or puts you down; says you are crazy, stupid, and/or fat/unattractive, or that no one else would ever want or love you.

 

  • Takes no responsibility for his or her behavior and blames others.

 

  • Has a past dating history of abusive behavior or criminal cases.

 

  • Blames the entire failure of previous relationships on his or her former partner; for example, “My ex was crazy and cheated on me".

 

  • Takes your money.

 

  • Uncontrollable or heightened anger episodes (rages out of control) against you! But becomes the charmer and can maintain composure around others to discredit your description of their unhealthy behavior.

 

  • Invades your personal space and information like: Checks your phone, email, or social networks without your permission.

 

  • Forces sexual intercourse when you say "no".

 

  • Controls your birth control or insists that you get pregnant.

 

  • Controls what you wear or eat or how you spend money.

 

  • Prevents or discourages you from going to work.

 

  • Makes fun of you or humiliates you on purpose in front of others.                                                                                     

  • Destroys your things.

 

  • Threatens to hurt you, your children, other loved ones, or your pets.

 

  • Does hurts you physically (e.g., hitting, beating, punching, pushing, kicking), including with a weapon.

 

  • Blames you for his or her violent outbursts.

 

  • Threatens to hurt herself or himself because of being upset with you.

 

  • Threatens to report you to the authorities for false accusations to ruin your image or reputation.

 

  • Tells you: “If I can’t have you, then no one can" or "I'm gone break you from that."

                                                                                  

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LGBTQ RED FLAGS

Domestic abuse is very similar across the board.

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  • LGBTQ experience verbal emotional and physical abuse.

 

  • The shaming tactics may vary; using society's bias to control and isolate their partner.

 

  • If an individual has not publicly opened up about their sexuality the abuser will threaten too "out" them.

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  • ​Most abusers start with your family, or unsuspecting friends in hopes this fears you.

 

  • LGBTQ experience verbal emotional and physical abuse.

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  • Most abusers start with your family, or unsuspecting friends in hopes this fears you.

 

  • LGBTQ experience verbal emotional and physical abuse.

 

  • The shaming tactics may vary; using society's bias to control and isolate their partner.

 

 

  • If an individual has not publicly opened up about their sexuality the abuser will threaten too "out" them.

 

  • Most abusers start with your family, or unsuspecting friends in hopes this fears you.

 

  • Or will cause chaos or isolation from those you love unless you do everything the abuser wants to keep your secret.

 

  • These are all mind games to reinforce fears that no one will help or care about you if you are a lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender.

 

  • Be "you" love who you are, most importantly love yourself first!

 

  • Abusive behavior is "NOT" a normal part of any relationship heterosexual, lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or transgender.

 

  • If you are unsafe, you have legal options even if you fear your partner.

 

  • As an LGBTQ person who are victims of domestic violence, you have legal rights, it does not matter if you married and/or in a recognized domestic partnership with your partner.

 

  • Access to legal assistance will depend on the laws in your state, almost all states you can request protection from the abuser under both civil and criminal law.

 

  • A Civil Protection Order is an order available to victims of domestic violence that enforces that your partner stay away from you.

 

  • In most states, victims of stalking, repeated violence, or harassment can request a protection order which prevents the person from harming or contacting them.

 

  • The Civil Protection Order is a civil court order, requested by the victim (Petitioner) and signed by a judge.

 

   A Civil Protection Order can;    

 

  • Order the abuser to stay a certain distance from you (also known as a “stay- away order”);                                          

  • Order the abuser not to come to your home (in some cases, even if you share the home);                                          

  • Order the abuser to stop contacting you;

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  • In some states, the abuser could be ordered to get treatment or counseling (often a condition of a child visitation).

 

  • As a victim you do not have to press criminal charges against your partner to get the Civil Protection Order.

 

  • The choice to get the police and criminal justice system involved is separate from filing a Civil Protection Order.

 

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Civil Protection Order can also be referred to differently based on the state;  

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  • A protection order;

  • A protective order;    

  • A restraining order;  

  • A protection from abuse order;                                            

  • A domestic protection order;                                                   

  • Or a no contact order, among others.

       

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